


Alex and Akashi Live From Las Vegas

by half_sleeping



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Other, idiots being idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-26
Updated: 2012-12-26
Packaged: 2017-11-22 12:23:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/609782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/half_sleeping/pseuds/half_sleeping
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first mail from Alex came at around lunchtime in Tokyo and ominously read, <i>what does that Akashi guy look like again, I’ve forgotten but I came to pick him up</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alex and Akashi Live From Las Vegas

**Author's Note:**

> ....so I tried to make something for BPS's [first challenge](http://basketballpoetsociety.tumblr.com/post/38856630922/challenge-1-best-zodiac-compatibilities), but then this thing doubled in size and took over my brain.

The first mail from Alex came at around lunchtime in Tokyo and ominously read, _what does that Akashi guy look like again, I’ve forgotten but I came to pick him up_.

 _Red-haired, yellow left eye, will look like he owns the place_ , Kagami sends back. He doesn’t know what the hell Akashi is thinking, but if he wants to look up Alex while he’s visiting L.A. then- wait. _Does he know you’re picking him up,_ Kagami sends her.

 _I bet he does now_ , Alex sends, and with it a picture of Akashi looking at her, amused, through the glass that separated the baggage carousels from the arrival hall, where people could gawk at their dear ones through the windows until they emerged into their loving embrace.

Yeah. Kagami bets he does now. Kagami makes the decision to ignore any and everything on his phone until after practice. After practice, because Kagami is playing in the university team now, and not even the most dedicated techophile can check his email while dunking. Then he’s exhausted, so he forgets to check his phone again until dinner. And then after dinner, Kagami leaves his phone in his bag and just goes to sleep.

In the morning, Murasakibara has sent to Kagami, _is Akachin really going to get killed by Alex Garcia._ Wow, complete words. Kagami can’t ever remember Murasakibara sending him a mail before. He hadn’t even known the guy had his email address. Then he focuses on what it actually says. What. _What. **What**_ **.**

There’s a barrage of mails from everyone Kagami knows and often heartily wishes he had never met. Kagami scrolls to the bottom and starts from the metaphorical top.

Alex’s read in one long line of mails, _taking him to the hotel_ ; _this was easier with Tatsuya and you you boys basically passed for twenty-one by twelve and a half; hey he got the bartender to serve him anyway score_ \- and then they derail, horribly. Kagami has had enough experience with Aomine and Tatsuya and Momoi and drunk texting to decipher that Alex has gotten bombed and is doing her best to get Akashi bombed too. There are a series of pictures, too. They make Kagami uneasy if he stares at them too long.

Woven into this narrative are Akashi’s own mails. Kagami isn’t sure if Akashi is drunk or not. His mails certainly remain coherent and grammatical right up to the end. _Taiga, do you know if Miss Alex is actually considered legally blind by the state of California_.

_Taiga, never mind, Himuro-kun has informed me that she is. I must say I consider her driving quite unsafe._

_Taiga, In-and-out burgers are quite delicious. I can see why you claim this to be your favourite food, despite the inherent health hazards of excess consumption_.

_Taiga, please tell Miss Alex that it is inadvisable for her to drive us to Las Vegas._

At this point, Midorima has sent a mail, all meaningful boldings and italics.

 _Kagami **why**_ is ** _Akashi_** _mailing **me**_ about ** _going to_ Las Vegas**with ** _that Alex Garcia woman_.**

Kagami actually feels kind of insulted by this. Midorima had been enthralled enough by Alex the last time he met her, and has the scar between the knuckles of his left hand to prove it. Actually, maybe that’s _why_ Midorima is so worried. Never mind.

From Midorima it spreads to Kise, to Momoi, to Kuroko and Aomine. It must be Momoi’s bright idea to set up the mailing list, because it smacks of all her earnest organizational skills and also her continued and totally misguided faith in the Generation of Miracles and their ability to behave sensibly and/or in an adult and reasonable manner at any time whatsoever. A full third of the mails are complaining that Kagami isn’t awake and panicking with them, though to all appearances Kuroko falls asleep at eleven anyway, and Aomine wakes up at three am and then again at five from whatever stupor he’s been in to say things like _I bet Akashi would like having a huge-ass dragon tattoo_ and _Satsuki, I’m hungry_. They’re still going. This is unbelievable.

At some point Tatsuya joins the mailing list by proxy to terrorize them by ‘helpfully’ recounting things Kagami is certain are all lies. Midorima has reached aneurysm levels of conniption fit by the time Akashi apparently finds a Starbucks with free wifi again and, instead of reading any of his by now considerable personal inbox, sends a whole list of his grammatical, coherent and _completely insane_ observations and commentary.

_Daiki, the breasts on these strippers are absolutely magnificent, but unfortunately the young lady asks us to refrain from photography in this establishment._

_Tetsuya, have you ever considered adding sword-swallowing to your repertoire? I think it would be quite impressive_. 

_Ryouta, if a strange man ever says he can make you a star if you only come with him right here right now, please call for help as loudly as possible and run away._

It goes on in this vein for a while. The others apparently stupefy into semi-silence: Midorima sends several _ARE YOU INSANE_ and _DON’T DRINK THE TEQUILA WHEN SHE OFFERS IT TO YOU_ mails even after it becomes obvious Akashi’s not reading anyone’s mails. Momoi and Kuroko begin discussing, with all apparent seriousness, what it’s going to be like when Akashi wakes a week from now in a bathtub full of ice with his kidneys gone. Tatsuya considers it his moral duty to forward them all the shots Alex has sent him and Kagami so far, in all their disturbing, shaky, terrible glory.

Then there’s silence for hours. _Hours_. Kagami is reduced to sitting with Kuroko in their business module- which Kagami is taking because it’s a vital part of his degree, and Kuroko is taking to clear his electives while Kagami-kun is still there to suffer with him- staring at Kagami’s phone vibrating as the Generation of Miracles go mad wondering where their leader is. Kagami’s has the bigger screen.

Then there’s a picture. Alex must have convinced someone to take it for them, and she’s wearing a veil. A white veil. Akashi is carrying her, princess-style. Bridal-style. Alex may have two inches on him but he seems to be managing it with ease, though his actual face is turned away. It _is_ unmistakably Akashi, though. Kuroko and Kagami look at each other, silently. It’s possible they can hear Midorima’s anguished cry all the way from Todai.

Silence. _Hours_. They eat at Maji Burger and part ways without any further communication from the terrible two. The entire mailing list is no longer even capable of jokes or speculation. They’re just waiting. It’s like the calm before the storm. The countdown to the guillotine falling. Kagami is brushing his teeth when, at seven am Las Vegas time exactly, Akashi gets himself to another Starbucks and starts answering his mails.

His first mail is a simple, _I’m very disappointed in all of you_.

The second is _I cannot believe Momoi and Shintarou called my parents_.

The third is _Himuro-san, I find it very disturbing you allowed Atsushi to become so perturbed. I feel you should have known better than to upset him in this way._

The fourth is, _I don’t understand how you sustained this volume of communication. Didn’t any of you have school?_

And so on, and so forth. Kagami gets off easy with Alex laughing at him and Tatsuya. Like she’d be involved in the wholesale corruption of a minor. A technical minor. Again. For the third time. Whoops. She takes a picture of her breakfast, and sends it to all of them, her and Akashi’s left hands on the table, visibly ringless. _You’re all so cute_ , is her caption, and they sigh in relief as one.

 _Shintarou_ , Akashi sends, as a parting shot to the entire mailing list. _Please don’t be so ridiculous about your assumptions in the future. Of course I would never get married to Miss Alex without asking you to be best man_.

The last picture from Alex is of Akashi leaning on the side of her car with sunglasses on, nursing a Styrofoam cup of coffee, and smiling a little- at her, the camera, the sky, his phone, at whatever his friends are saying to each other now.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * ["Alex and Akashi Live From Las Vegas" Remixed](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2175030) by [Kiiyoshi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiiyoshi/pseuds/Kiiyoshi)




End file.
